"Dear Fan of Count Olaf, If you are looking for a good time, I'm sorry to tell you that you are holding a box of books, a term which here means " three books too many." As you may know, reading is pretty much the boringest thing in the world. You would have a better time watching a motion picture starring a handsome count. My major motion picture, for example, starring me, features a mansion burnt to a crisp, a peg leg made of real wood, and leeches that eat people. True, this " box of books" has all these details, too, but there are so many words in it, and so few pictures of me. It is my solemn duty to command you to step away from the computer at once and rush to your local movie theater to marvel at my groundbreaking performance in "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events." Books are for ugly people. Of course you may have my autograph." "Count Olaf"