It's like the "big break" fairy knocked and I wasn't home!

But my roommate was -- he's up for a role on All My Children. And Miss Bubbles, my adorable and absurdly intelligent longhaired Persian, can now buy her own Fancy Feast -- she's starring in a prestigious off-Broadway play, opposite the man of my dreams. What's going on here? I mean, hello, my name is Stella -- it means star! Clearly I'm the one who's destined for divadom. I was just about to start really going for it, too: no more wasting time with good-for-nothing boyfriends, chocolate-martini hangovers and Oprah marathons. Just success! That was before my cat got her own dressing room and I landed the supporting role of stage mom. You know, a lesser girl might have contemplated hanging up her head shot.

But not me. I'm determined to snag myself a lead role . . . and while I'm at it, the leading man.