One week in the making of a TV commercial for car tyres -- as told by the inimitable Matt Beaumont, author of e

What does a successful adman do when he realises the stars of his new commercial want to kill each other, his director has walked off the set and his client has turned up in the wrong T-shirt? How does one of these stars react when he's asked if it's true that he's packing salami in his shorts? Why on earth does the other one think that dueting with a Chinese Elvis impersonator could be a smart career move? What does the adman's pregnant, swollen-ankled wife do when she realises the cheating bastard just happens to be shooting an ad with a rubber-clad Hollywood nymph? And how could any of the above possibly have a connection to the world's most useless drug smuggler?